It Was Enough

It was unexpected..
It was only a moment..
But it was a relieve..
And it was nice..

It was only a dream..
It was only a fading memory..
But the feeling was real..
And it soothed my soul..

It was less than perfect..
It was less than clear..
But it was close..
And it was enough..

It had to be enough..
Because..
It had to be enough..


I cannot expect a nicer relief..
I cannot dream a more real memory ..
I cannot perfect an unclear reality..

This has to be enough..
This closure..
This has to be enough..

It was relieving enough..
It was soothing enough..
It was close enough..
It was enough..

It was enough that I could see you smile..
It was enough that I could hear you talk..
It was enough that I could sense no regret..
It was enough that I could keep this in my memory..

- 19 June 2012 -

Maybe

Maybe the memory was just a dream.. or a nightmare

Maybe the glimpse of you was just a passing shadow..

Maybe the heart was just pretending.. or forgetting

Maybe the feeling was just a misled imagery of a painful hope..

Caught up in stolen time..

Tangled in motionless crushed moments..

Torn in tormented emotions..

Frozen in hollowed acceptance..

Maybe the truth was really a wish.. or a careless promise

Maybe the bond was really a badly tied dead knot..

Maybe the hope of closure is finally fading.. or vanishing

Maybe the reality of pain is finally taking over the spark of a possibility..

Choked in the bitterness of painful tears..

Held back in the shadowy corner of the past..

Numbed in the icy coffin of rejection..

Stiffened in the emptiness of a broken universe..

Maybe the past will become the current.. or the future

Maybe the pain will become a blessing in disguise

Maybe the emptiness will eventually be filled with glimmering victory

Maybe the acceptance will eventually taste sweet, even if the bond is broken beyond mending

Batas Sebuah Keinginan

Perlahan kususuri dataran es
Hingga ujung jemariku dapat menyentuh kuntum melati putih itu
Hanya sesaat..
Hanya saat malam terasa terlalu pekat..
Lapisan es di bawah kakiku terasa begitu rentan
Namun melati itu selalu nampak sendiri
Mekar dengan indah di antara rumpun sedap malam
Hanya sesekali kukunjungi..
Hanya untuk memberi setitik rasa hangat..
Tak urung terasa lelah
Menjaga lapisan es agar tak sampai retak

Di kejauhan kutatap kumpulan karang
Sisi-sisinya telah habis terkikis air laut
Setiap saat..
Walau tak pernah sanggup kugantikan bagian yang telah hilang..
Kayuhan lenganku tak sanggup menerobos gelombang
Dan air laut begitu kuat mencampakkanku ke tepian
Meskipun kumpulan karang memanggilku ke tengah
Selalu kutatap..
Selalu kubisikkan semangat..
Tak urung terasa lelah
Memikirkan upaya agar dapat melewati arus gelombang

Kemudian kulihat matahari
Menebarkan cahayanya setiap hari
Tak berhenti..
Walau kadang tertutup awan tebal dan tersamar hujan..
Mengiringi hari-hari yang penuh perjuangan
Matahari tak pernah lelah terbit
Meskipun ia tahu selalu ada saatnya ia harus tenggelam
Terus ia curahkan sinar..
Pancaran cahaya kehidupan..
Tak pernahkah ia merasa lelah?
Setelah melihat begitu banyak kerusakan yang terjadi?

Ah.. Terlalu jauh..
Aku bukan matahari..
Aku tak punya sumber cahaya..
Aku hanyalah bagian dari semesta

Tak seringan sang bayu yang tak akan meretakkan dataran es
Tak selentur fauna air yang dapat menembus ombak lautan
Hanya punya setitik rasa dalam hati
Ingin berempati dan berbagi

Ah.. Terlalu sederhana..
Aku tak mungkin menemani kuntum melati setiap hari
Langkah kakiku tak seringan itu
Sentuhanku pun tak akan hangat lagi, bila terlalu lama menapaki dinginnya es
Tapi aku yakin, kuntum melati akan terus mekar dengan indah
Akupun tak mungkin mencoba berenang ke arah kumpulan karang
Kayuhan lenganku tak selentur itu
Tenagaku hanya akan terkuras habis, tanpa pernah bisa meraih tujuan
Sementara kumpulan karang akan tetap kokoh dalam terjangan gelombang

Ah.. Tak sempurna..
Hatiku kerap tersaput amarah
Jiwaku kerap terbelenggu lelah
Terkurung dinding kelemahan
Terhalang kabut keraguan
Berselimutkan bayang ketidakmampuan
Hanya berbekal keinginan
Tercetus dari satu ketulusan
Dalam satu angan demi kebersamaan

-12 March 2011-

When Friendship Was Not Enough

I tried to warn you
that this wasn't enough for us

You convinced me
that I wasn't the one you were looking for...

I tried to explain
that you couldn't be taking without giving

You were persistent
that you expected someone who could give you more...

Then I decided
to let go...

Until one day...

You made a demand
out of desperation...

And I had to cry saying 'No'
as my heart shattered into millions

And I had to wall my soul
as each memory froze it in matter of seconds...

Then I closed my world from you
as the slightest thought would leave a deep wound

Then I pretended that 'We' still existed
as each time I told the truth I had to relive the moment...

But I survived
believing it was for the best...

Until one day...

We met in bright smiles
then you left without farewell...

I've lived my life
and built my world

I've found love
that have coloured my world...

You've lived your life
and traveled your universe

You've found love
that have come in the way you expected...

We painted our dream on the stars
to achieve as high as we could in life...

Until one day...

We sacrificed our hearts
and lost our friendship in the process of growing up...

-14 December 2009-



A breakup that hurts so much worse than a breakup with a boyfriend/girlfriend is a breakup with a life-time best friend.. the regret is life-long and the loss is irreversible..

I wish no one have to go through such hurtful thing..